Before i got sick i was a very work orientated person. I worked my butt off before i had Macy and was back at work partime 4 months after i had her and was working 3 days a week when i was diagnosed.
Initially when i was first diagnosed I thought that i would still be able to work through my treatment, but that i would just have to cut back and looking back on it now I wonder what in the hell i was thinking!
I really didn't realise how much my life was going to change when i was first diagnosed and it wasn't until i had an appointment with my oncologist and she told me what treatment i was going to have and then she wrote out a medical certificate for me for 6 months. I told her that i was still planning on working a bit and she said that i would be crazy to even try to. Between the robust treatment she was going to be giving me and also having a 1 year old, she said no way, i'd end up with Chronic Fatigue syndrome if i did. So i left that appointment an absolute mess. It took until then for me to realise how much my life was going to change. No work for at least 6 months - i couldn't comprehend it!
So through Chemo i obviously took her advice and didn't work and there's no way that i could have with Macy as well. I only had 1 good week out of 3 and I spent that time taking macy to the park and resting, getting ready for the next chemo.
Still though during this, i thought to myself, okay so i can't work during chemo, i'll definately be able to work through radiotherapy and i told my boss that that was the plan and i'd see how i go leading up to it.
Radiotherapy came and I was still exhausted and needing to have a sleep through the day so i realised that i'd be crazy to work through that as well. By the time the radiotherapy had finished and it took a few weeks for my burns to heal, I'd had 10 months off work and now too nervous about going back. My brain wasn't working properly and i felt like i was in a fog of some sort for a long time and i just didn't see by then how i could work when i couldn't even remember my appointments. But I felt bad telling my boss this. She had been so supportive all through my treatment but i also knew that they were busy and it would help them if i went back to work as soon as i could but i just couldn't bring myself to go yet. I needed time after all of the treatments stopped to just, i don't know, relax, clean the house now that i had some energy and get Macy to like me again!
Once i booked in my reconstruction surgery i decided that i wouldn't go back to work until the surgery, this would give me a bit less than 2 months to do those things that i wanted to do but then i got meningitis and the reconstruction was pushed back so i ended up being off work for a lot longer than i had ever planned.
Financially we were lucky because the money raised at the fundraiser had allowed me to be off work but with the huge costs of my reconstruction surgery, the money was gone. I had no choice but to go back to work as soon as i could after the surgery and now that i've started back i'm really enjoying it. To me, it is the symbol of normality and that we're starting to get our lives back.
So i went back to work for 3 full days a week, at the end of March this year and only 5 weeks later i've already had to cut back to 2 days week instead. I found that on my days at work i felt fine but on my days off i was exhausted. Work was taking up all of my energy and not leaving me any for Macy, Mat, the housework or anything else. I was back to feeling how i felt during radio and I didn't want to be there again.
I told my oncologist about how tired i was and she was concerned about it so sent me for a CT scan and a bone scan and to be honest this scared the crap out of me! I hated the thought of them having to find my veins again because of how bad they are and i immediately thought the worst. I wasn't so worried about the CT scan because i'd had one back in october with the meningitis and it was clear but i hadn't had a bone scan yet so i was nervous that this was going to come back bad. BUT i'm very happy to say that just on thursday i found out that both were clear - no cancer anywhere WHOOOOOOO!
But this didn't explain my fatigue. If theres no more cancer, why the hell am i so tired again? My oncologist diagnosed me with Fatigue Syndrome caused by the chemo. It will go away (may take up to 12 months) but in the meantime i have to 'give myself a break' as she said which is the reason i've cut back to 2 days a week. With what our bodies have been through, and having a 2 year old at the same time, work is the only thing that could give.
If i didn't have Macy I think that i would have worked a bit throughout the treatment and i admire those of you out there that can work throughout the treatment but I'd definately say that if you can afford not to work, don't. Spend that time doing something you enjoy and being nice to your body (make good meals, juices etc).
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